Okay, I’m going to be absolutely honest with you: the Lego cars part in the headline was a bit of a ruse so I could justify writing about this on our lovely automotive website here. I don’t actually think any Lego cars need anuses (I mean, a few anuses here and there can’t hurt), but I do think it’s extremely significant that for the first time in their 90-year history, Lego has officially designated a piece to be used to represent an actual mammalian anus. This is huge news.
I’m an automotive journalist, not a Lego journalist, so I think I’m a bit late to this bit of news, as I see the anus was noted in reviews of Lego set 31129, Majestic Tiger, about a month ago.
The tiger set is really quite beautiful, a remarkable rendering of something biological with Legos, which is always a massive challenge. I mean, look at this thing:
That’s impressive. But let’s take a look at what the real magic is here:
Dear lord. Just look at it. They should have sent a poet.
My friends, let me be absolutely clear here: we now live in a world where the Lego corporation has designated a former 1×1 pink flower piece to represent a butthole, a rectum, an anus, and as such the world has changed.
This now Year One, Post Lego Anus (PLA), and nothing is the same.
The more you consider this plastic anus, the more fascinating it gets. There were very likely discussions about this anus. There were likely debates as to whether to include it or not, passionate arguments made on both sides, Zoom meeting discussions, drawings, plans, tests, lengthy email chains that possibly included pro and con arguments to decide whether an existing piece should be re-purposed, or if the anus was important enough to merit its own new, unique piece, one that could likely be repurposed as a balloon knot for some party sets or something like that, or maybe a cloaca should Lego decide to do a large chicken set.
These past couple years have been a bit rough on us all, full of pandemics and instability and tension and all manner of unpleasant bullshit. But now, thanks to this humble plastic tiger anus, I’m reminded of the boundless potential of humankind; our innate desire and ability to bring unexpected joy, the simple visceral pleasure of being a physical human being in this world, and all the complex and wonderful and confusing and difficult joys that entails.
The very idea that somewhere, perhaps at this very moment, a bright-eyed clever child, not yet worn down by cynicism and regret, is carefully following the directions, scanning a pile of Legos to find that little pink rosebud, and snapping it, with a satisfying snik, under that tiger’s tail, symbolically completing the other end of that alimentary canal that begins with the tiger’s dramatic, toothy maw—well, that thought fills me with joy.
Kudos to you, Lego, for being bold enough to give your tiger an anus, an advantage everyone should have.
We now live in a world where actual Lego anuses exist. Maybe 2022 isn’t going to be so bad.
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