If there’s one thing that the Internet has truly revolutionized, it’s humanity’s collective ability to generate outrage. But even in a world where people routinely issue death threats for vertically-oriented videos, this now-viral Facebook post about a supposed Mazda Miata vandalism is extra perplexing.
Here’s the Facebook post by someone named Nicole Kathleen that sparked the whole thing. In it, Nicole Kathleen claims two women jumped through the open top of her husband’s Miata, took a photo of it, and then bragged about it on Facebook and Instagram last year. As of this writing, her post has nearly 2,000 shares.
Despite as much Internet detective work as I could muster, I can’t figure out if it’s real or fake, though the alleged vandal in question is. We’ve made attempts to contact the parties involved; so far we have been ignored.
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The text of the post, accompanied by these screenshots of pictures posted to Instagram and Facebook by Ali Green, is as follows, with emphasis mine:
The two women in this picture live in our building. In this picture that they took and that one of them posted on her public social media accounts, they are standing inside my husband’s car that was parked in the building’s underground, secured garage that only tenants and management can access. The caption reads, “Let this be a lesson to all Mazda Miata owners – if you are dumb enough to buy this hideous car, we are dumb enough to jump through the top and dance on your seats. #zoomzoom” The author of the post even goes further to mention in the comments that she left her heels on while “dancing” on the seats.
They obviously thought I would never find this photo. How unfortunate for them that they don’t understand how social media works. Feel free to SHARE!
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Dear Neighbors,
First of all, thank you for not only already publicly admitting to trespassing and vandalizing my husband’s car, but also sharing photographic evidence of your crime. It makes it so much easier for us if we decide to press charges.
Let this be a lesson to you – If YOU are dumb enough to publicly post a picture of yourselves illegally trespassing and vandalizing our private property, then I will be intelligent enough to find it on social media and screenshot it.
The tag line in your Instagram profile says, “It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice”. I am not sure whether you learned how to be nice from your parents or from the elite UCLA Extension school you went to, but you are doing it wrong.
Not that you are owed this information in the least, but I want to share it with you. My husband sold a very expensive car we owned and purchased that Miata, which he uses as a track car, with cash. We moved from a home that was a three hour daily commute to work for my husband to a home close enough to his office that he is actually able to walk to work. We made these choices and financial sacrifices when we had our daughter, who is 1.5 years old today. We made these choices because we believe it is more important for me to not go back to work full-time, so that I can be home to raise our young daughter and so that my husband is able to spend as much time as possible with our family at home and not sitting in traffic.
The only thing “hideous” in this picture is your behavior.
Very truly, I want to thank you today for making me more confident with my decision to leave my well-paying, full-time job to stay home and raise our daughter because I am more committed now than ever in my resolve to ensure she grows up to be a strong, independent and kind person and that she never grows up to be “nice” like you.
Most Sincerely,
Your neighbor
This is very clearly criminal vandalism. No argument there.
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What’s a little confusing is that this whole thing just seems a little bit too on the nose, and there are some details that don’t quite make sense. For example, the original post of the picture on Instagram and Facebook seems to be dated October 26, 2015 (the Instagram one shows the post as 19 weeks old).
That does lead one to wonder why someone would wait over four months to post this if the car actually had damage on the seats from the alleged high-heel dance?
It’s certainly possible that the Miata’s owners didn’t find these posts until now, and then based on the image realized that this was their car; perhaps that explained some damage to the car for which they’d previously had no explanation.
But the Facebook profiles of both Nicole Kathleen, the angry spouse of the Miata-owner, and Ali Green, the presumably-terrible car-dancer are both strangely devoid of content on their timelines, which seems odd.
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Ali Green’s Instagram account is also private, although other websites have found supposed examples of her previous posts.
The there’s the almost scientifically-designed to be enraging content of the original picture’s caption:
Let this be a lesson to all Mazda Miata owners – if you are dumb enough to buy this hideous car, we are dumb enough to jump through the top and dance on your seats. #zoomzoom
Wait, this was a lesson?
Why would this person be so strangely anti-Miata? I mean, sure, it’s not everyone’s cup of sake, but does anyone really think it’s ‘hideous’ enough to have a blanket personal credo that mandates you vandalize every one you see? People didn’t even do that to Gremlins back in the ‘70s, when there were no laws at all. Are there really young women in (what appears to be) their early 20s who feel like this? If so, what the hell is their problem?
Plus, her Instagram quote or whatever they call that reads “It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice” is like a textbook example of irony.
And the response; why does Nicole Kathleen feel compelled to talk about their finances and young daughter and her choice to stay at home and raiser her? Even in the age of social media oversharing, it’s not really clear how that factors into her outrage at some assholes jumping in her husband’s car. Also, why isn’t her husband, the person who actually drives the Miata, doing the angry post?
Also, who took the picture? I guess that’s not really a big factor here; a third co-asshole could have been involved, and, since the Miata is just a two-dancer, had to wait outside and snap the photo.
It all feels like a bit too much, like one of those email forwards your aunt sends you about the college professor who calls God a dickhead until some ex-Marine in the classroom decks him. Can this shit be real?
On the other hand, this Ali Green does, in fact, seem to be an actual person, and it appears she’s a model. It is very, very possible she took her social media accounts to ground when this went viral.
And if this is fake—why on Earth would someone fake it? To what end? Why would anyone want to make up that story?
At any rate, this is all blowing up on social media because, let’s face it, everyone loves a chance to get nice and indignant about someone unrepentant and objectively awful doing something terrible.
I don’t know. Maybe my own smoldering faith in humankind makes me think this has to be a stupid ploy to acquire shares and likes, and that the picture was of someone in their own car, dancing shoeless and harmlessly on the seats of a car they respect and enjoy.
But, maybe that faith is misplaced, and this whole inane mess actually occurred. I know I don’t need to tell this to any of our readers but, for the nosy freeloaders reading over your shoulder (either by leaning, drone camera, or trained owl) it’s worth repeating: you don’t fuck with a person’s ride.
So, if this does prove to be true, to those car-dancing ladies: please fuck off. If it’s not, then, well, I guess we can all fuck off, because why do we do things like this?
Contact the author at jason@jalopnik.com.
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