Boris Johnson is a British former car writer turned Conservative politician, who is likely to be the next Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. When reporter Ross Kempsell simply asked him what he liked to do to relax, the answer was long, rambling, and also buses (???????????).
It’s a bit like Charlie on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, but buses. “In your personal lifestyle, what do you do to relax? What do you do to switch off?” Kempsell asks, which seems like an easy enough question.
What followed appeared to be the response of a man who had never considered the answer before – or at least, had never considered how to answer it in a manner that might be appropriate for a political race.
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“Uhhh, I, I, will I like to, paint, um, or I make things, I like to…” Johnson began. Not a terrible start, all in all. Who doesn’t enjoy a little creative expression?
Kempsell, possibly gifted with the foresight to see how this is going, helps him along a bit.
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“What do you make?” he asks.
Johnson proceeds to make a face, one that could just as easily be interpreted as “clearly, this person doesn’t understand art” as it could be “shit, I’ve gotta make something up.”
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(I’m trying to bring you as accurate a description as possible if you can’t watch the clip, dear reader, but this is where some of the answer breaks down into incomprehensible syllables.)
“I make… I have a thing where I make models of…. Welberizewherewehrelizebilwhere we build a beautiful, I make… buses,” Johnson begins.
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Kempsell looks mildly bemused. “You make buses?”
“I make models of buses,” Johnson confirms, wistfully.
“So what I do, when I do, no what I do make models of buses, what I make is, I get, I get, old, um, I don’t know, wooden crates, right? And then I… paint them, and they, they have, two, two, suppose it’s a wide, boxes, used to contain two wide models, right? And it will have, uh, uh, uh, a, dividing thing, and I turn it into a bus, and I, so I put passengers… you really want to know this?” Boris asks.
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“You really, you’re making buses, you’re making cardboard buses?” Kempsell inquires, because spending time alone in your house making cardboard buses while you’re a Member of Parliament and Foreign Minister of the United Kingdom is definitely, well, it’s a Thing To Do.
“I paint, no I paint, no,” Johnson continues, because godammit Kempsell wanted to know and now the entire world is going to hear the full answer.
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“Okay, that’s what you do to enjoy yourself,” Kempsell interrupts, seemingly trying to stop Johnson’s hellride and get the guy out of there with an easy exit. I cannot fathom why Kempsell does this, because Johnson’s answer, at this point, is frankly brilliant and should be allowed to continue forever.
“I paint, no, I paint the passengers,” Johnson is determined to finish at this point. “Enjoying themselves.”
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“Okay, great,” Kempsell interjects, desperate to move on, for no discernible reason.
“On the wonderful bus,” Johnson says. “Low carbon, of a kind that will be brought to the streets of London, reducing CO2, reducing nitrous oxide, reducing pollution.”
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Fin.
Boris Johnson will be the next Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, and in his spare time, he likes to paint large boxes to resemble buses, complete with passengers, who are enjoying themselves.
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