While it seems Canadian law enforcement and political officials are happy to remain locked in the grip of conspiracy theorists, white supremacist and people who don’t understand basic science, the people of Ottawa have had enough. And they are turning to an unusual and powerful weapon: pornographic metal music.
I did not realize that was a genre until today, but I’m thrilled to find out it exists. Counter-protesters are playing “Ram Ranch,” a 2012 porno-metal song by Canadian artist Grant MacDonald, on the truckers various Zello channels (Zello is a walkie-talkie style chat app used by the Freedom Convoy.) From Rolling Stone:
In a recent chat on a Zello channel titled “Windsor Convoy 2,” a group of people supporting the trucker convoy — a Canadian protest against vaccine mandates and lockdowns — started an impromptu singalong for the national anthem, “O! Canada.” “Our home and native land,” one person sang off-key, followed by another, crooning just as poorly, “True patriot love with all our sons command [sic].”
Then comes a loud guitar riff. “EIGHTEEN NAKED COWBOYS IN THE SHOWERS AT RAM RANCH,” a voice screams. They’re removed from the chat before they can continue to the next lyrics: “BIG, HARD, THROBBING COCKS WANTING TO BE SUCKED.”
Welcome to the #RamRanchResistance, a loosely organized counter-movement to the trucker convoy. The lyrics played in the chat are from “Ram Ranch,” a 2012 porno-metal classic by Grant MacDonald that ascended to meme status thanks to lyrics like, “Eighteen naked cowboys wanting to be fucked/Cowboys in the showers at Ram Ranch/On their knees wanting to suck cowboy cocks/Ram Ranch really rocks.”
Damn! Those are some spicy lyrics. Organizers used the song after listening in to the truckers Zello channel to identify the Freedom Convoy’s next moves and finding homophobic, bigoted and hateful language. The hashtag #RamRanchResistance is now being used on social media and a website ram-ranch.ca, is helping organize counter-protesters. “Welcome to Ram Ranch” has even been seen on signs in the streets of Ottawa and Tindr users are catfishing truckers and directing them to meet up at Ram Ranch.
“I’m just elated, totally elated that my song could be used to stand up for science,” MacDonald told Rolling Stone. He’s recorded over 500 versions of Ram Ranch to the delight of his fans, along with other toe-tappers like “Prince Harry’s 12-Inch Cock” and “Ya Sure Are Hung.”
Not only is the strategy kind of brilliant (if a bit juvenile, but then again, is so endlessly blasting truck horns in city streets) it’s at least working to annoy and disrupt truckers.
Yet “Ram Ranch” has prevailed as a clarion call for resistance, though other vulgar sounds have been introduced into the chats as well. “The ranch guys are finally gone, but it’s about freaking time, I’d have shut that off,” one person is heard saying in a clip from a chat, immediately followed by a robotic voice saying, “Welcome to the cum zone, only cum inside anime girls, quivering clit, double-jointed pussy, fresh balls.”
It’s not all fun and games of course. Police and political leaders seem powerless to do anything about the protesters (or maybe they’re just supporters) and observers of the trucker’s Zello channels say the language used by truckers is becoming more and more militant.
The protest has shut down Ottawa for two weeks now, with several border crossings falling to right wing extremist protesters. The Ambassador Bridge, which handles over 25 percent of all trade between the U.S. and Canada, has been closed by protesters for five days, leading several auto manufacturers to either slow down or stop production in Canadian plants. The Department of Homeland Security warned Thursday that there is chatter of an American convoy starting in Los Angeles during the Super Bowl and crossing the U.S. in order to disrupt President Biden’s State of the Union address.
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