Fictional Hooper Bracket: Hickory Region

This matchup is oozing with self-confidence and ego. Scott doesn’t want to pass, and he doesn’t want to raise your kids… he doesn’t even like kids. The Utah Jazz guard played by Damon Wayans was ahead of his time because even though he parodies Charles Barkley’s famous “I’m not a role model” commercial and was clearly designed to be a less trusting Michael Jordan, he played like Kobe Bryant to the point that his teammates were so caught off guard when he passed that the ball literally hit them in the face. (Celtic Pride came out in April 1996, a couple months before Kobe was drafted and then traded to LA.)

Also, my guess is the reason Scott wears a purple-and-yellow Jazz uniform instead of a purple-and-gold Lakers uniform is because the producers had to go with the closest approximation to L.A. colors because Los Angeles probably refused to let them use its likeness for the antagonist of a Celtics movie.

Lewis goes up against a man so confident on-and-off the court that he has no problem usurping leading roles the night of the production or telling you he just sharted. The overconfident, washed up, one-off actor Sandy Lyle, played by Philip Seymour Hoffman (RIP), was really the only reason to watch Along Came Polly, a mid-aughts rom-com starring Ben Stiller and Jennifer Aniston. He steals every scene he’s in, including the pick-up game sequence where he clanks jumpers and throws up wild layups while yelling phrases like “Let in rain!,” “Old school!,” “Raid dance!” and “White chocolate!” If only everyone had the swagger to respond to a request to play two-on-two with, “You douchebags bring your A game?” – Sean Beckwith