Every year, companies testing autonomous vehicles on California roadways have to submit a report on how many times a driver took control of the self-driving system, known as a “disengagement.” The 2016 reports are now out, and man, does General Motors have some superb names for their AVs.
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GM began testing AVs in the state after purchasing, in March 2016, Cruise Automation, a San Francisco-based company that retrofits cars with autonomous gadgetry. Cruise previously had some Nissan Leafs with self-driving tech installed, hence why the report reflects a GM-owned company using a Leaf. (They appear to have only been used through last July.)
Anyway, Cruise’s name game is pretty fantastic—Charlie? Osprey? Numbat! —so here’s a ranked list of the best of the best for its AV vehicles that were deployed in California.
1. Gargoyle
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I mean, would you fuck with Gargoyle? What a dope name. It screams of rock-solid sturdiness, which to me is a great quality for an autonomous vehicle. Gargoyle’s one of three 2016 Nissan Leafs that appear in the report, and, I dunno, I love it.
2. Beluga
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The great Beluga! What an adorable animal, and a pleasant name for a 2017 Chevy Bolt. World Wildlife Fund says Beluga whales have a “near-threatened” conservation status, which sounds vague, but means you should be nice to Belugas. This particular Bolt must be very nice.
3. Numbat
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Look at this little guy! Name everything Numbat.
4. Storm
Simple, yet it conveys something that seems like an almost-plausible name for a new line of AVs from GM. Storms are intense—significant!—so this is a great name for a robot car.
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5. Pronghorn
I saw a pronghorn while leaving Goblin Valley State Park in Utah after a night of camping. Stately animal. Good car name.
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6. Caracal
As the San Diego Zoo describes it: “Pretty kitty” and it happens to be the fastest of small cats. Sounds apt for a self-driving Bolt.
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7. Platypus
Not the most majestic looking creatures, sure, but I love them. To any auto company: In the future, sell The Platypus.
8. Polarbear
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I wouldn’t have it in the top image if I didn’t like it.
9. Tamarin
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Tamarin’s look like they have the amount of knowledge an AV needs to function properly on the road. Tamarin is fitting.
10. Macaw
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Speaking of smart animals.
11. Redwolf
Not the best name, but there’s apparently only about 250 red wolves left in the wild. So maybe this is a low-key a call to action.
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12. Lynx
Another plausible, animal-centric name for a marketable self-driving car.
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13. Osprey
Just fun to say.
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14. Mongoose
Hey there, little mongoose! I’m not particularly into your name as a vehicle, but you’re a good animal.
15. Albatross
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I’m thinking about seagulls now, which, meh. Interesting name for a car, but no thanks.
16. Wombat
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The wombat doesn’t seem like it’d function as an efficient vehicle. Cute animal, though.
17. Ironman
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Maybe this should be higher, but it’s a lazy name compared to numbat.
18. Antelope
They’re somewhat similar, I guess, and I prefer pronghorns.
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19. Charlie
Fine.
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20. Scarlet
Sharp, distinct color, sure. Bad car name.
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21. Moa
The moa is… no more, which is a bummer. Extinction sucks. Why name the car moa?
22. Cheetah
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Also boring. If you’re gonna use Charlie, there has to be a better name to turn to than leaning on a Cheetah. Cool, it’s fast.
23. Quicksilver
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Yeah, maybe Quicksilver is cool, but it doesn’t jibe with the majority-animal thing going on here. Hard pass.
24. Leopard
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(See #22)
25. Penguin
I can’t see Penguin performing well, even if it drove a couple hundred miles in November. Seems too clumsy.
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