Automotive

Here Is The Best Car Advice You’d Give Your Teenage Selves

By TechKee Admin

Posted on March 19, 2017

We’ve all had those moments where we wished that we could go back in time and change something.

Speaking from my highly advanced years from being on the road and behind the wheel, I’ve gathered some advice I’d give to my young and unknowing teenage self in a heartbeat if I could.

“Dear high-school Kristen,” I’d write. “Congratulations on being able to finally park in the senior lot this year! While this is a great convenience now bestowed upon you, don’t for a second think that it’s safer than parking on the street. You’ll be hit twice in this lot. Keep your eyes open.

Also, learn to pump your own gas, goddammit! I know you’re from New Jersey, but asking a random person at a gas station in Pennsylvania is not the way to do it. And don’t be so nervous behind the wheel. Relax and enjoy the ride.

Besos,

Take Shop (Son of the Mustard Tiger)

Way more useful than algebra.

Son of the Mustard Tiger

3/07/17 1:02pm

Take the auto repair class in high school. Yeah, it’s full of meatheads, but some of them are pretty cool dudes. Yeah, you only have 4 classes instead of the 6 that everyone else does so you can show up late and leave early every day, but trust me, this is way more fun than waiting for your friends to get out of school. You’ll do alright on your own, but your wrenching skills will progress so much quicker, easier, and cheaper.

Oh, yeah, use jack stands!! Fortunately shit didn’t go bad, but it could’ve. Get your folks to buy you some. They’ll do it once they see the safety benefits.

Other than that, I regret nothing! Every other facepalm car moment turned out alright in the end and was was either beneficial or simply what was needed at the time.

PT Cruiser (toomuchcommuting)

Is that car good for anybody?

Terrified (Thunder)

Good luck!

Everyone Else (jimmyjet)

Watch everyone. Trust no one.

jimmyjet

3/07/17 12:51pm

*ahem*

1. If you have to slam on the brakes, glance at your rear view mirror. The guy behind you may not be paying attention. You may have a chance to moderate the pressure and avoid getting rear ended. Or if they’re coming in hot, you can release the brakes and brace yourself for the oncoming hit.

2. Turn your side mirrors wide. You shouldn’t be able to see behind you in your own lane from those mirrors. Just glance at the mirror and turn your head.

3. Don’t speed. Keep up with traffic and observe a safe following distance. And, of course, if you are pulled over, be polite. The cop is doing his/her job and it’s not personal. Chris Rock covered this years ago.

4. If you want to drive hard, sign up for autocross. Scratch that itch in a safe environment. A highway offramp is a terrible place to figure out how to handle understeer.

Colorblind (JasonWithAnE)

What’s wrong with purple and pink?

Hindsight’s A Bitch (offyatindy)

Urgh… that Stratos….

offyatindy

3/07/17 1:21pm

Hey dumbass. There are three cars that will come along in your life that will make your life richer, and one that will make you happier if you do these things.

1) Don’t sell the E-type (that I bought for $1,250) just because your folks say you need a more reliable car to get to college.

2) Remember that Lancia Stratos that you came across in Germany in the early 80s. Guy wanted about 20k for it, but you couldn’t bring it back to the US because it wasn’t 25 years old. Buy it. (Folks, unknowingly making up for the E-type advice because E-types are still cheap, offer to go in on the Stratos. Idiot son doesn’t want to risk their money.) Store it for 12 years. Profit mightily.

3) Remember that Ferrari Dino 246 you came across for 40k (and now worth about half a million), when you had 40k in your pocket. Don’t use that 40k to set up a relatively profitable, though backbreaking business because your family and friends will think you have lost your mind and are squandering a fortune, buying an fragile old Italian sports car.

4) Good job buying that old Jaguar XK8. It won’t make you rich, but it will make you feel good. Your family and friends will also approve.

Most of all, follow your gut. It’s good to listen to the advice of your loved ones and worry about them too, but sometimes you have to take a shot for your own good. In the words of Paul Newman in the movie Winning, “If you are going to follow something, it might as well be the seat of your pants.”

Too Narrow (forSCIENCE, but mostly forPROFIT)

Gotta learn that depth perception.

THAT One (DragonBreath)

Find a better one.

Tires, Tires, Tires (peterjford)

They matter!

Ten Things (Teh Penguin of Doom)

Arrested?

Teh Penguin of Doom

3/07/17 12:48pm

Dear teenage TPoD,

1. I know you love the Fox Body, but American cars suck. Get off your Ford kick already.

2. Mercedes doesn’t always suck, especially if you buy it used.

3. Wet highway exit ramps are not the place to practice your mad apexing skills.

4. You’re absolutely right about BMW sucking. Well done.

5. Driving without a license can get you arrested and have your car impounded.

6. Girls dig comfy SUVs that make them feel safe; fast cars only impress other dudes.

7. K&N filters don’t really give you 10 HP, and can mess up your engine.

8. Don’t let anyone shame you about going on solo road trips.

9. Valentine One was worth not eating for a month. Well done.

10. Take pictures of your cars and where you go in them so twenty years later you’ll have something to post on Jalopnik.

CRX (Phlegminglib)

I miss Blockbuster.

Come To A Complete Stop (Umrguy42: Add $5 for shipping and handling)

Just… why wouldn’t you?

No Loans (Rusty Starship)

Just don’t do it.

Buy It (SmugAardvark)

What a Lotus.

Have Fun (IJustWantMyCRXBack)

You just never know.

Job Interview (Stulgs)

…Did you get the job?

TechKee