CountersteerYour true stories of good and bad things that happen in cars.One has to assume that when he’s done pummeling criminals with his strong fists, Batman simply ties them up and leaves them—perhaps conscious, perhaps not—for the Gotham City police to come and get. That is fine. It makes total sense. It’s what our tax dollars are for.
But one also has to assume that sometimes, just sometimes, Batman has to give some of the people he beats up a ride. Maybe he’s delivering a criminal to Arkham Asylum, or to the police department, or to the hospital after he shattered their femurs with a powerful flying kick while swinging from a grappling hook.
Cars are meant to be driven, and we all know that sometimes means giving other people a lift. There’s no way this can’t be true of The Batman as well.
Make no mistake—if you run afoul of the law in Gotham, The Dark Knight will mess you up, badly. Emotionally scarred billionaire Bruce Wayne isn’t just unquestionably the greatest detective on earth, he’s one of the greatest fighters on earth, easily capable of beating down dozens of criminals with his furious hands, elbows, knees and also various throwing gadgets and gas bombs. Needless to say if you came up against him he would—at the very least—break your jaw.
But you’d get a ride in his sweet car at the end of it, maybe! Isn’t that worth it? The question came up today around our office, when we were watching the Walmart ad and wondering if Batman’s car even had a trunk or not.
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I vote yes, and here is why: Given Batman’s need for operational security, odds are good that only very few people have ever even seen the inside of the Batmobile. There’s Alfred, whoever hooks him up with his gear like Lucius Fox, whatever sidekicks he has floating around, and maybe a pal like Superman, who once asked to see the inside of the Batmobile but didn’t really care and was just being polite.
Even if The Caped Crusader shattered your collar bone with a vicious karate chop, or broke your nose with a boomerang to your face, you’d maybe get to see something almost no one ever sees.
The Batmobile is one of the most high-tech vehicles on the planet, more akin to a fighter jet than any actual car. You’d be able to see inside it! You’d finally know if Batman drives stick or not! You’d get so many cool-ass stories to tell your friends in Gotham jail, even if you have to relay them with your jaw wired shut because Batman tackled you out a window.
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(A greater indignity, I’d argue, would be a beatdown by Robin; no ride in Batman’s sweet car would enable you to live down getting your skull cracked by a teen in a leotard wielding a bo staff.)
This is, of course, all assuming that Batman actually gives you a ride to the ER or jail or something in his car. He may just delegate that to some underpaid civil servant, because he is an insane rich person and thus unlikely to ever clean up after himself. But! If you do get a ride, it’d be worth it for the story alone.
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Would you let The Batman annihilate your face and body for a ride in his badass car? Let us know in the comments.
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